They made me think today, a lot.
I’ve been in bed [in a slightly drugged state] since my surgery on Monday night. This means I spent all day today doing things like watch a ridiculous show called Long Island Medium, about a Jersey-shore-esque psychic.
Do I believe in it? I wouldn’t be surprised to learn it’s a hoax. But, I watched several hours of it straight. Analyze that as you will. Despite it’s validity, I’m happy things like that are going on every day.
So I had to ask myself. Do I want it to be real? Honestly, no, I don’t think so. You can cheat death by finding the right big-haired New Yorker to set things straight for you? A little anticlimactic, no?
I also saw some God today. Oh, did I say God? I meant Oprah. I always get those two mixed up.
She did a really long interview with Hasidic Jewish women in Brooklyn. They don’t watch tv, show skin, date, touch each other before marriage, listen to the radio, spend time with their spouse in public, every touch each other in the presence of others (!!?!!?!???). At first, my thoughts were ‘wtf.’
But they said something beautiful.
For them, it’s a “no pressure situation.”
Wow! Their marriages are based on values, not love. Love is a possible byproduct of the partnership they form. They have no responsibility to make their spouse love them. They have no responsibility to make their spouse LOVE THEM. Can you imagine how that would feel? Is that the most fantastic thing you’ve ever heard, or is it the most tragic? They get married because of their shared values, family and god. It seems to work for them.
How does that apply to me?
The family part I get, I love my family. But I have no idea if I’ll ever be a mother. God? Not a big part of my life. Being good to people, following rules, helping the world—those are things I believe in. But doesn’t everyone?
Unlike these Jews who are born to a very specific fate, nothing in my path is pre-ordained. Who knows what kind of spouse I’ll end up with. Or even that I will have a spouse! I can do literally anything I want.
Homeless, millionaire. Mother, bachelorette. Catholic, Shinto. It’s a phenomenal realization when it hits you all at once and you realize that you are FREE.
I need to focus that kind of energy way more. I need a vision board. Stat.
And now for the most frustrating! One of my good friends is an agent in the FBI. He spent time in the behavioral analysis unit. Hanging out with him is like hanging out with a shrink. Except, a shrink who reads your mind and can kill you twelve different ways.
He constantly makes references to “having me figured out.” But he won’t tell me what he thinks he knows about me. He doesn’t want to “show all of his cards.”
So option 1, he’s full of it. Or option 2, he knows a lot about me and won’t reveal it which is the most irritating thing in the world for a curious, introspective person like myself! Especially because I’m so oblivious to what people think of me. I have no idea how I come across to others.
Anyway, this dude knows who he is. He has rules and lists and quotable principles and is completely logical. As you can tell by the insane structure of this blog post, I am the opposite.
He brought me a moose, though, which makes up for him making me think nonstop for the next two hours.
It is ridiculous.